Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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