She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
