Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found your dick twin last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
