Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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