I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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