how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
