Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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