my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
