he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
