legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
