I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
