wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
