I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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