My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
