THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
