Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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