the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
