Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
