Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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