Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
