I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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