oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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