Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize