can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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