My first STD was from a foam party
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
