it wasn't lemon gatorade
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
