if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
