I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
