i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
