peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
