why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
