she woke up with a sticky ear
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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