sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
