Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize