I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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