Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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