toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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