Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
