How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
