Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
