mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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