pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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