your room smells of hookers.
And success
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
