even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
