I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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