thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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