Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
