Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
