Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
