Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
