just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
