my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
