My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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