God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
